How to Deal with Unsupportive spouses/significant others

[FigureGal2B]

I didn;t know where else to post this so here goes..... How do you deal with when ur significant other or family member isn't supportive with what you want to do.

I started talking to my fiance tonight about wanting to compete one day and that this summer I set a goal for myself to be in "contest" shape in June for my birthday. He just doesn't understand why I want to do that when I am not competing right now. And he says he doesn't like the looks of a figure competitior. Am I not explaining myself right?

My parents don't even know my goals, and I am afriad to tell them because I know they will be judgemental and say snarky comments...Please help! :help:

[Noel Clark]

I wish I could say that it WILL get better but I am not sure it will. I still have good friends that think I have an eating disorder because I weigh my food or because it is a priority that I get to the gym.

My husband had a very hard time at first. He tolerated the first show I did. Thought that I would just "get it out of my system" :funny: guess he was wrong. He did come around fortunately and now he is very much into this lifestyle as well.

And maybe if you told him that you are really only THAT lean for a short period of time. :shrug:

I think that is another reason why we come here...understanding.

[FigureGal2B]

Don't you find it frustrating? I feel you ppl on here are the only ones who can understand. Even my friends wouldn't understand. I just don't know how to explain myself better so they would understand why I want to accomplish these goals and why I chose to be in this fitness world.

[Noel Clark]

Don't you find it frustrating? I feel you ppl on here are the only ones who can understand. Even my friends wouldn't understand. I just don't know how to explain myself better so they would understand why I want to accomplish these goals and why I chose to be in this fitness world.

EXTREMELY frustrating.

I try to educate those close to me...it has taken a while, but some have come around. There are those that will never understand.

I think others here have even said that by you choosing this lifestyle, it makes others feel bad about their choice...the choice to eat crap and not make the changes you are making.

:hug:

I think we all have ppl in our lives that just don't get it. Hopefully your SO will work on at least understanding YOUR desires and support you. And then, maybe he will come around. :)

[Carolyn]

I think it's pretty common. My family and especially my husband support me, but my friends and co-workers don't understand at all. I do think my friends get a little jealous, but what can you do?

My co-workers like to order food out once a week and my boss will always make a comment like "Carolyn won't eat it". It's really frustrating because I don't make negative comments about what they are eating. She also proceeded to ask me if my husband and I ever make dinner together at night. I told her we don't because we eat completely different. I know I'm being judged but I don't care.

I think your fiance will come around. It'll just take time, but don't give up :dumbbells:

[Brooke21]

Don't you find it frustrating? I feel you ppl on here are the only ones who can understand. Even my friends wouldn't understand. I just don't know how to explain myself better so they would understand why I want to accomplish these goals and why I chose to be in this fitness world.

There is really not much you can do to MAKE them understand. They either will get it and be supportive or they won't. It is so frustrating, but there are always going to be people who think you have an eating disorder, or your goals are silly, or you put too much time in at the gym, etc. That in no way should make you feel bad about your positive choices! :thumb: When I first told my friends I wanted to do a show, they immediately thought I was planning on doing massive amounts of steroids with the goal of looking like Arnold! :lol: Actually, some still think that. It's just silly!

[soontobefit]

I don't have much else to add other than to say that I have experienced most of my co-workers thinking I got mono this summer since "I wasn't eating enough", anytime I am tired "its cuz you don't eat enough", anytime I'm cold "its cuz you don't have enough bodyfat to keep you warm." It used to bother me, I just don't care anymore. I care what my family thinks, and they just want to make sure I am healthy and not hurting myself. I particularly wanted to find a man who was very much into a fit lifestyle so that it wouldn't be an issue for him...and Nigel is great for me.
Going to a competition with the fiance might help him to see what you want to do and as Noel said, let him know that level of leanness is only temporary. Try and educate him and keep in mind that those who don't have the passion like you do can't relate.
At least you know we can all relate and support you! :)

[911PRINCESS]

I didn;t know where else to post this so here goes..... How do you deal with when ur significant other or family member isn't supportive with what you want to do.

I started talking to my fiance tonight about wanting to compete one day and that this summer I set a goal for myself to be in "contest" shape in June for my birthday. He just doesn't understand why I want to do that when I am not competing right now. And he says he doesn't like the looks of a figure competitior. Am I not explaining myself right?

My parents don't even know my goals, and I am afriad to tell them because I know they will be judgemental and say snarky comments...Please help! :help:


My husband and I just had this talk. I showed him my shoulders and biceps and how they are developing...and he said "Wow but you better not get bigger than me"! I said whatever but I think if I worked hard enough I could compete...to which I got no those girls look gross.....but I think he is thinking of the ones that have taken steroids and you can't tell if they are a man or a woman. But still I told him to be quiet and support me or don't say anything! All though I am no where near ready to make the commitment to ever compete but if I wanted to he damn well better get on board. Which I know he would he was lined up every few miles with water etc.. when I can a marahon.
So if you want to do it go for it we will all support you and you can prove them all wrong!

[Ali]

For those that say their husbands/SO's don't want them to look like a competitor. I am wondering if they are just looking at pictures of tanned up/dehydrated bodies. That is quite an extreme look. It is for ONE day! Also, when I was competing last year, my weight was about 102-105 on the day of the show. Does that look manly??? Competitors look really SMALL in clothing.

Anyway...you girls just keep going. I think your guys will come around. Especially if it makes YOU happy. :love55:

You are not going to get 'bigger than (him)' unless you alter your hormonal profile to be like his! We just don't have enough testosterone in our bodies to get huge.

On the issue of people talking about your food and making comments. Maybe I just don't pay attention, but I rarely talk about my food (and I don't work...so people don't see what I eat on a daily basis). But I don't get many comments. It's just not something I even talk about. I don't bring it up unless someone is genuinely interested. And I guess when we are out with friends, I either have a cheat meal and eat pretty much what they do, OR if I'm dieting I'll order steak and veggies. That seems to shut people up for some reason.

This is about a week after a contest...I think it looks pretty 'mainstream'.

http://www.aliswanson.com/gallery/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=1198&g2_serialNumber=2

[FigureGal2B]

For those that say their husbands/SO's don't want them to look like a competitor. I am wondering if they are just looking at pictures of tanned up/dehydrated bodies. That is quite an extreme look. It is for ONE day! Also, when I was competing last year, my weight was about 102-105 on the day of the show. Does that look manly??? Competitors look really SMALL in clothing.

Anyway...you girls just keep going. I think your guys will come around. Especially if it makes YOU happy. :love55:

You are not going to get 'bigger than (him)' unless you alter your hormonal profile to be like his! We just don't have enough testosterone in our bodies to get huge.

On the issue of people talking about your food and making comments. Maybe I just don't pay attention, but I rarely talk about my food (and I don't work...so people don't see what I eat on a daily basis). But I don't get many comments. It's just not something I even talk about. I don't bring it up unless someone is genuinely interested. And I guess when we are out with friends, I either have a cheat meal and eat pretty much what they do, OR if I'm dieting I'll order steak and veggies. That seems to shut people up for some reason.

This is about a week after a contest...I think it looks pretty 'mainstream'.

http://www.aliswanson.com/gallery/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=1198&g2_serialNumber=2

Thanks Ali for ur comments. It is frustrating when ppl do make comments, but like others have said, they are probably jealous. I just find it tough when they do make comments because I have dealt with an eating disorder before and I've been told comments similiar to that before. It hurts but at least I know myself that I am not suffering anymore.

[FigureGal2B]

Ali, btw you look great! I showed my fiance your pic and he liked it! I am going to sit down with him and explain mybest my goals and show him some pics.

[Noel Clark]

For those that say their husbands/SO's don't want them to look like a competitor. I am wondering if they are just looking at pictures of tanned up/dehydrated bodies. That is quite an extreme look. It is for ONE day! Also, when I was competing last year, my weight was about 102-105 on the day of the show. Does that look manly??? Competitors look really SMALL in clothing.

:yeahthat:

Now I don't weigh 102 but I don't think ppl realize how small you get.

[soontobefit]

Ali, I can't think of the word to describe you, but "mainstream" is hardly that! ;) You look gorgeous...I only hope I look a fraction as good as you some day!

[Ali]

Ali, I can't think of the word to describe you, but "mainstream" is hardly that! ;) You look gorgeous...I only hope I look a fraction as good as you some day!

Haha...I just mean I don't look super-cut or muscular unless I am posing to do that. Outside the stage, I think I look in-shape, but not so much :flex:. I was just trying to show the difference between what you look like on stage vs. what you look like for a day at the beach.


And thank you. :love:

[Ali]

Ali, btw you look great! I showed my fiance your pic and he liked it! I am going to sit down with him and explain mybest my goals and show him some pics.

Sweet! :love:

Sorry you are having to deal with people that don't understand. :(

[Audrey]

I think it is VERY important to show your SO pictures of competitors outside of the stage (either pics from photoshoots or even off-season if you can find some). The look of competitors on stage is not representative at all of what you look like the rest of the year: you are water depleted that day, tanned, pose in a certain way to emphasize your muscles, and even the level of definition you achieve that day is a bit different than what you would have one week post-show (or a week prior to the show). It is basically a temporary condition.

Showing your SO what competitors look like outside of the stage is much more likely to have him accept the look a lot more. As Ali said, most competitors look small when not on stage (the illusion of being 'big' on stage is just that... an illusion) and most of them look fit and in shape - certainly not overly muscular.