Blondell
03-22-2008, 10:09 PM
You think you're hardcore? Try this one on for size. :D
Prison Workout
20 minutes, 3 times weekly
Tired of getting ripped off on gym memberships you never use? Looking for a workout that will make you lean, mean and dangerous? Then try the Prison Workout, the highly effective bodyweight-based regimen endorsed by convicted felons nationwide.
The Prison Workout consists of one classic exercise, the "burpee". These beastly squat thrusts are the preferred calisthenics for murderers and thieves, but they're also perfect for your hectic New York lifestyle. You can do them in confined spaces, like your apartment, your cubicle, or a subway car temporarily emptied by extreme hobo BO. Sessions take only minutes, and with no equipment to buy or store, there's no reason not to drop to the floor and begin immediately. In six weeks you'll be capable of springing swift, catlike assaults on friends, enemies, and even tipsy NYU freshmen at Bar None. Simply:
1. Stand up straight, arms over your head (as seen on Cops).
2. Squat down, lean forward, and place palms flat on floor.
3. Kick back feet so that you're in a raised pushup position.
4. Do a pushup.
5. Once back in raised pushup position, pull legs beneath you into a menacing crouch.
6. Leap up to reach Position 1. To add a little extra workout jump as high as you can and it will add inches to the height of your jumps.
http://www.thrillist.com/pics/motions.gif
To get any respect in prison, a convict performs 20 descending sets* of burpees, but you can get results with only 10. Not only will you see your fat turn into muscle, you'll also notice a distinct reduction in coworkers willing to bend over to retrieve dropped office supplies in your presence.
The Prison Workout is done in descending sets. For example, begin by doing 20 burpees without stopping. Rest 30 seconds, and then do 19 burpees without stopping. Rest 30 seconds and do 18 burpees. Continue doing descending sets until you get down to a final set of 1 burpee. That makes a total of 210 burpees.
For most people, 20 sets will be too much to start with. In that case, pick a lower number of sets like 15 or 10 or even fewer for your first workout. Then add a set every 1-2 weeks until you reach your goal. In prison, doing 20 descending sets without stopping is the minimum to be considered a "man." If you can do 25 sets, you're considered to be pretty tough, and, if you can do 30 sets, you're considered a "stud." If you're doing other exercises in addition to this workout, do your burpee workout 3 times per week on cardio days.
If some of you who've read this far are thinking to yourselves, "This Prison Workout is too easy. I'm looking for a man's workout," try one of these advanced variations of the basic burpee.
1) If you have access to pull-up bars, at step 6, jump up and do a pull-up. That will add 210 or more pull-ups to the workout.
2) Place dumbbells on the floor. Use the dumbbells as push-up bars for steps 1-5. At step 6, clean the dumbbells to your shoulders, press them overhead, and then set them back down for the next repetition. In other words, add an overhead press to each burpee. Be sure to use the solid, hexagonal dumbbells rather than the adjustable kind.
By itself, the Prison Workout will strip fat from your body, add muscle, and build stamina. Alternate it with a weight training routine, and you may be mistaken for a Greek god, or, at least, for an ex-convict.
So don't be a bitch. Start the Prison Workout today, and women will want you, men will fear you and gangs everwhere will give you the props you demand.
*Descending set = set of 20, set of 19, set of 18... You can do sidebends or situps, but please don't lose that butt.
Prison Workout
20 minutes, 3 times weekly
Tired of getting ripped off on gym memberships you never use? Looking for a workout that will make you lean, mean and dangerous? Then try the Prison Workout, the highly effective bodyweight-based regimen endorsed by convicted felons nationwide.
The Prison Workout consists of one classic exercise, the "burpee". These beastly squat thrusts are the preferred calisthenics for murderers and thieves, but they're also perfect for your hectic New York lifestyle. You can do them in confined spaces, like your apartment, your cubicle, or a subway car temporarily emptied by extreme hobo BO. Sessions take only minutes, and with no equipment to buy or store, there's no reason not to drop to the floor and begin immediately. In six weeks you'll be capable of springing swift, catlike assaults on friends, enemies, and even tipsy NYU freshmen at Bar None. Simply:
1. Stand up straight, arms over your head (as seen on Cops).
2. Squat down, lean forward, and place palms flat on floor.
3. Kick back feet so that you're in a raised pushup position.
4. Do a pushup.
5. Once back in raised pushup position, pull legs beneath you into a menacing crouch.
6. Leap up to reach Position 1. To add a little extra workout jump as high as you can and it will add inches to the height of your jumps.
http://www.thrillist.com/pics/motions.gif
To get any respect in prison, a convict performs 20 descending sets* of burpees, but you can get results with only 10. Not only will you see your fat turn into muscle, you'll also notice a distinct reduction in coworkers willing to bend over to retrieve dropped office supplies in your presence.
The Prison Workout is done in descending sets. For example, begin by doing 20 burpees without stopping. Rest 30 seconds, and then do 19 burpees without stopping. Rest 30 seconds and do 18 burpees. Continue doing descending sets until you get down to a final set of 1 burpee. That makes a total of 210 burpees.
For most people, 20 sets will be too much to start with. In that case, pick a lower number of sets like 15 or 10 or even fewer for your first workout. Then add a set every 1-2 weeks until you reach your goal. In prison, doing 20 descending sets without stopping is the minimum to be considered a "man." If you can do 25 sets, you're considered to be pretty tough, and, if you can do 30 sets, you're considered a "stud." If you're doing other exercises in addition to this workout, do your burpee workout 3 times per week on cardio days.
If some of you who've read this far are thinking to yourselves, "This Prison Workout is too easy. I'm looking for a man's workout," try one of these advanced variations of the basic burpee.
1) If you have access to pull-up bars, at step 6, jump up and do a pull-up. That will add 210 or more pull-ups to the workout.
2) Place dumbbells on the floor. Use the dumbbells as push-up bars for steps 1-5. At step 6, clean the dumbbells to your shoulders, press them overhead, and then set them back down for the next repetition. In other words, add an overhead press to each burpee. Be sure to use the solid, hexagonal dumbbells rather than the adjustable kind.
By itself, the Prison Workout will strip fat from your body, add muscle, and build stamina. Alternate it with a weight training routine, and you may be mistaken for a Greek god, or, at least, for an ex-convict.
So don't be a bitch. Start the Prison Workout today, and women will want you, men will fear you and gangs everwhere will give you the props you demand.
*Descending set = set of 20, set of 19, set of 18... You can do sidebends or situps, but please don't lose that butt.