Working after Baby

[colo1278]

Hi everyone... not pg yet, but "trying". :p

I am having a hard time getting my DH to see my point of view on not working after giving birth.

To fill you in, I am in real estate, so a pretty flexible job and one in that I can really determine how much I want to work.

I want to not work at all for the first three months and then slowly ease my way back in. I don't want to have to use day care- I want to either get a nanny for the mornings, use my mom a little or a combo of both. I want time to recover, time to bond and also think that adjustment to motherhood needs some time and as little outside stress as possible. On a more selfish note, I think I will be tired, lactating and fat and don't want go out to meet clients and drive around for hours, forcing myself to be cheerful and helpful. ;)

My hubbs doesn't seem to see my point of view at all and thinks I can just dump the kid off at my mom's whenever and pump a few extra bottles out for her to feed the baby. I am super excited to nurse and while I love my mom and know she would love to help out, I 1) don't want to burden her and 2) want to bond with my own darn kid.

Any thoughts, experiences you can share, etc? Did you go back to work right away? at all? How hard was the adjustment? Am I being unreasonable?

I only have one friend who has had a baby and she is a full time stay at home mom. She had an awful birth experience and a difficult c-section healing. It's mostly from her that I get nervous about jumping right back into work, but then also, five months later, she is pretty settled and back on top of everything.

I've also heard that nursing and pumping can be very hard and sometimes you can't get any out with the pumps.

Thanks and sorry for the novel!

[3sweeties]

:pimpslap: Do that to your dh for me. Seriously, your kids are only small once and they need their momma, not grandma, not daycare, but momma.

I felt pressure to go back to work part-time with my first child and I regret it to this day. I'll never get that time back.

[Dane]

I've had 2 c-sections, and after about 4 weeks post-partum I was itching to go back to work, exercise, what have you. I would definitely give yourself at least a month to recover and get into a routine. You may find you need longer, so I think it's nice to have the flexibility of 3 months off.

With baby #1, I did go back to work full-time at 4 weeks post-partum. I breastfed, and just pumped at work on breaks, froze the milk, and DH took care of the baby during the day. With young babies (under 6 months) I would absolutely say stay out of daycare if possible, and take advantage of your mom and/or nanny.

With baby #2 (and #3, when it gets here, lol), I was a stay home mom, and I'll tell you...if I could have taken part-time work at 4 weeks post-partum, I would have! (No work visa.) You learn to cherish solo trips to the grocery store, :p

I think your DH is being unrealistic, but to be fair, he's not experienced a newborn, has he? He'll be amazed to find out how much work they are, how exhausting they can be.

Breastfeeding isn't hard, but it defintely takes some practice, for both you and the baby, before you're truly comfortable. Learning how to help your baby latch on properly is key, and nurses can show you this in hospital. Pumping isn't hard, either, once you get used to it. I experimented with both electric pumps and a manual, and had the best experience with the Avent "Isis" brand hand-held pump. Quite comfortable, easy to use, discreet, quiet.

As for the milk not coming out, I usually had the opposite problem--just thinking about my baby, or seeing/hearing someone else's baby, would cause a letdown and soak my shirt. Disposable breast pads are your friend, lol. Usually, if milk letdown is a problem, it's stress-related;you have to find a calm quiet place, maybe look at pix of your baby/think about him, and it should be fine.

It pays to do your homework beforehand, but don't stress about any of this--it all has a way of working out. :)

[lynne12]

I am lucky - In Canada we get a full year of paid maternity leave. It was 6 months paid (not full pay) when I had my kids.

I couldn't have gone back to work when the baby was four weeks old. NO freakin' way. Baby wasn't sleeping through the night yet, not even close. I was lucky to get 3 to 4 hours of sleep and not in a row - for the first 3 months. It was awful. I was soooo tired, I felt as though I was being tortured with sleep deprevation. Add to that hormones, a crying baby and no break = one messed up mama!

Give yourself a break. After 6 weeks it does get easier but you'll still be tired and won't really have the baby on a routine yet and you'll just be getting adjusted to life with another one living with you.

Your hubby may change his mind once he sees what new mom's go through with the sleep deprevation. He'll be tired too, trust me he will be.

Just take it week by week - if you've got flexible hours, go back only when you feel ready. Try not to set a limit now - you're too far away to discern how you'll feel.

For the record, I went back to work at 5 months with baby #1 and 8 months with baby #2.

[MicheleSC]

I was out about 10 weeks when my daughter was born. I also had a c-section and the recovery was not fun for the first couple of weeks. I swelled up more after she was born and looked pregnant still for a couple of weeks - it was pretty depressing. After the first couple of weeks I was looking better and back to pre-pregnancy weight before she was a month old. My body shape was not the same for while (she was a large baby), but I was not carrying around anything that I didn't have before she was born. I was not overweight at all and bf'ing (and pumping) helped the weight go fast and then some. SHe also had to have surgery when she was 8 weeks old (the first of 3 surgeries) to correct a urinary tract defect that she was born with. ALthough that was stressful, she did SO well and going back to work, although somewhat stressful was not that bad. I had to go back to work (financially speaking) and I had already started pumping and was nursing her as well. I was so set on getting her on a schedule right when we came home that I got a little stressed with bf'ing, but I just stuck with it and it was fine. I got a good rhythm down pumping at work and built up a great supply. She was nursed probably 3-4 times a day during the week (more on the weekend) and then had bottles at daycare. I had no problem pumping and getting plenty of milk for over a year. She started to wean herself at a year and then gradually over 5-6 months she was completely weaned. I really liked that she started the process herself and it being gradual gave me time to adjust :)

If you want to stay home and can, I don't see anything wrong with that - I think it's great. With our second on the way now I would love to stay home for several months and not work at all or work part-time. We can't afford to do this. I also think if you want to go back to work and go the pumping route, it is totally doable. I can only say from my experience that pumping was not difficult and I enjoyed being able to provide milk for my daughter even though I had to work.I used a hand pump (the Avent Isis) at home before bed and the Medela Pump In Style twice a day at work. Even if you stay home you might still want a hand pump to fill some bottles so your husband can help sometimes or if you want to get out of the house. I never felt like a cow hooked up to a milking machine or resented doing it. Everyone is different. I think you just have to do what you feel is best and see how it goes. YOu can have the best intentions of doing things a certain way and they don't always end up the way you planned. I am so afraid that since my daughter was such an easy-going baby (and still is now) and was pretty easy to take care of that this baby will be the opposite and make me crazy! I felt the bf'ing itself helped me bond with my daughter and that made me feel good knowing I wouldn't be with her most of the day.

It is a special time and if you can stay home to enjoy it and get to know your baby (and yourself as a parent) I think you should. It is different for guys. They really don't 'get' a lot of the baby stuff until the baby is actually there and a reality.

[colo1278]

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for your replies... oh and 3sweeties, I think you were kidding, but no dh-slapping will be necessary. :p He has zero experience with a newborn and I don't think he has even changed a diaper. He is very cute with all the questions he asks- his boss (3 kids) and my girlfriend with the 5 month old are always giggling that he is constantly asking questions. So I know he's eager and interested in learning about all this, but yes, I agree that he really has no idea what to expect and I think he will be shocked. (look at me talking like I am going to know what I'm doing!) :lol:

Yeah, I am just going to try to explain it more to him and also be open minded and flexible myself about the time before going back to work.

I guess I can see his point too, that if easy money comes up to me and someone says "please sell my house" I may not want to turn it down. I also have voiced some pretty expensive wants lately, like a luxury car with GPS, and we both want to move into a nicer neighborhood... so I think he is just getting freaked out about money.

Thanks again!!!

[NCfitnessgirl]

My hubby and I do not have children yet, but have been in the process of trying also. We have discussed the issue of me working after a baby in great depth. I think having a baby is a major compromise and if you want to stay home with the baby, you just have to decide what you're willing to do without. If you really need/want the cars and big houses, then you have to decide if having the child at daycare or your mom's is worth it.

[Pinky]

Ok, here is my view....

DH having no experience with babies is no excuse. DH tried to pull that one on me one night when dd was crying for hours and I needed a break. I promptly reminded him that I had never changed a diaper (DH had to do it the first couple times while we were still at the hospital), I have never been around babies and if I had to learn, then he had to learn aswell!

I live in Canada, so I got 12 months paid maternity leave. I honestly don't know what I would have done without it. My sister and I had our daughters 5 weeks apart, she lived in New Mexico and got 6 weeks off, then was supposed to go back to work. I couldn't even begin to imagine going back to work after 6 weeks. Taylor had colic and cried all the time, I barely slept for the first 3 months. I ended up with PPD, and never left the house. Maybe going back to work would have helped, but I was in no state of mind to do so.

On the other hand you may have the happiest baby that sleeps through the night right from the getgo (in which case I would hate you! :mad: ) But if you have the option, plan to take time off, if you feel you are ready to go back early then do it, but I highly recommend taking time. Trust me, once baby is here, your DH will realize that returning to work ASAP, is not necessarily practical. Heck, somedays I was lucky if I got a shower!

As for the bonding, I cannot relate to that. I did not really bond with my daughter until she was 10 months old.... :(

[fitnesschick]

i would just add that babies are only babies for such a short period of time. seriously. it goes by soooo fast that if you are able to stay at home and appreciate that time of their lives, i think it is very much worth it.

also ... i think remaining flexible is a great idea. i had been accepted to my master's degree program, fully planning to go back and my baby wasn't yet born. i just was not able to leave my baby and well ... here i am, still at home 13 years later with 4 kids and never regretted spending that time with my kids. you never know how you might feel once the baby is born.

[liberty]

Another canadian saying yay to the one year off. My husband actually takes 9 months parental leave also so we are all home together :love: If your husband is an eager guy get him to read "why parents matter" it is a great book about the importance of mom and dad in a kids life. It is not anti-daycare or anything just a good read. He'll figure it out once the baby is here.
C

[trigirl]

I went back to work after 6 months, and will do the same this time. My son LOVES daycare, and thrives in the environment. He has learned so much there....much more social and intellectual stimulation that he would have received being at home with me. THat being said, it is definately a personal decision. I work very flexible hours, so I don't have to rush to have my son at school by 8am, nor is he there beyond 4pm. It works well for our family, but not for everyone.

[liberty]

Originally posted by trigirl@Jun 1 2006, 11:54 AM
I went back to work after 6 months, and will do the same this time. My son LOVES daycare, and thrives in the environment. He has learned so much there....much more social and intellectual stimulation that he would have received being at home with me. THat being said, it is definately a personal decision. I work very flexible hours, so I don't have to rush to have my son at school by 8am, nor is he there beyond 4pm. It works well for our family, but not for everyone.
Just curious why you think daycare would be more socially and intellectually stimulating than you? That doesn't give you much credit :huh: I am sure if you were home you would have playdates for socializing and outings and reading/craft time at home that would be just as stimulating right? ( I am not arguing your decision just saying I am sure you would do a great job at home too :) )
C

[fitnesschick]

Originally posted by liberty@Jun 1 2006, 04:40 PM
Another canadian saying yay to the one year off. My husband actually takes 9 months parental leave also so we are all home together :love: If your husband is an eager guy get him to read "why parents matter" it is a great book about the importance of mom and dad in a kids life. It is not anti-daycare or anything just a good read. He'll figure it out once the baby is here.
C
is this the hold on to your kids book? i think it's a great book too :)

[liberty]

Originally posted by fitnesschick+Jun 1 2006, 12:17 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (fitnesschick @ Jun 1 2006, 12:17 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-liberty@Jun 1 2006, 04:40 PM
Another canadian saying yay to the one year off. My husband actually takes 9 months parental leave also so we are all home together :love: If your husband is an eager guy get him to read "why parents matter" it is a great book about the importance of mom and dad in a kids life. It is not anti-daycare or anything just a good read. He&#39;ll figure it out once the baby is here.
C
is this the hold on to your kids book? i think it&#39;s a great book too :) [/b][/quote]
Yup, same book by Gabor Mates (totally spelt his name wrong :lol: ) We went and saw him speak at a conference last year it was fantastic. What he says about the negative influence of early peer relationships is groundbreaking and yet makes soooo much sense when you look at the problems with kids in our culture today.
C

[Pinky]

Originally posted by liberty@Jun 1 2006, 11:11 AM
Just curious why you think daycare would be more socially and intellectually stimulating than you? That doesn&#39;t give you much credit :huh: I am sure if you were home you would have playdates for socializing and outings and reading/craft time at home that would be just as stimulating right? ( I am not arguing your decision just saying I am sure you would do a great job at home too :) )
C
I need to comment on this. While every child is different, they all need stimulation. I would love to be able to stay home with my DD and play with her all day, but that is not feasible. House work needs to get done, errands need to be run, yard work etc.... I physically cannot stimulate my daughter for as much as she would like me to, on my own. My dd goes to a day home 3 days a week and she loves it. She loves playing with the other kids and quite often doesn&#39;t want to come home. My sister on the other hand, is a stay at home mom, and she is literally run ragged trying to keep up with the demands of her little girl.

It all comes down to what works best for your child and your family, and how you want them raised. I do not plan on having more children, so I feel it is vital that she gets interaction with other kids, either at a day home or otherwise.

I will say it again, if you can take time off, take it. You will need it.

[Hoochiemomma]

When I had my first I had 6 mos paid maternity leave, and had to go back to work right after that because DH got laid off. I cried for hours thinking (irrationally) that my son would "forget me". Of course we didn&#39;t have to worry about daycare because DH was home. I ended up working and doing the daycare juggle up until my second was born and then I said no more. I stayed home with the boys until they were both in school and have never regretted it. I did volunteer work in the classrooms,did literacy projects and helped other parents when they were occasionally stuck for daycare. Yes, we were broke because 1 income just barely covered our expenses, but daycare for two would have been a burden as well.

It sounds like your schedule is pretty flexible, but man how I hated having to wake up a sleeping baby to drop him off in the morning.

[trigirl]

Originally posted by liberty@Jun 1 2006, 12:11 PM
Just curious why you think daycare would be more socially and intellectually stimulating than you? That doesn&#39;t give you much credit :huh: I am sure if you were home you would have playdates for socializing and outings and reading/craft time at home that would be just as stimulating right? ( I am not arguing your decision just saying I am sure you would do a great job at home too :) )
C
Because he goes to a great daycare that has excellent programs. I do not have a background in education, and sure, I could buy tons of books, toys (we have enough already, but the daycare has soooooooo many), crafts, instruments, bring other kids to my home for him to learn and socialize with on a daily basis, etc.......which I&#39;m sure other moms do. Just a choice we make. I am so pleased with his daycare, and he loves the teachers and his friends. They make a wonderful compliment to his life.