When one of you is ready and the other is not

[LUVPINK222]

I'm 32 and I want to try for a baby in the next 6 months. Ideally I would like to be pregnant in March or February. My hubby is a few years younger than I and he's not quite ready to have a baby yet. He really doesn't even like to talk about it and clams up when I bring it up. We've only been married a year and ideally I would love to wait a few more years to have a baby. But I'm really worried about being older coupled with the fact that I have already had issues with ovarian cysts and the docotors have told me I should do it sooner rather than later.

So, my question is, has anyone else struggled with the timing and or enthusiasim with their sig. other? WHat did you do? Do I just do it when I feel it's necessary or wait and possibly risk not being able to conceive? I'm so confused........

[colo1278]

I think the most important thing, in your case epsecially, is communication. Every couple really needs to make sure they are on the same boat at the same time with an issue so major. I am on my 2nd month of TTC and I had to wait a few months for my hubby to jump on board. I have another friend who is getting married in one month, is 2 mos pregnant (by accident) and fiance is NOT into the idea at all, not ready. They even went to an abortion clinic and got all the way to the procedure room before they backed out. She is really worried that he will end up resenting her and the baby and her marriage will end and she'll be a single mom. Imagine having to think of all this while you are planning your wedding!

Oh and she has some health issues too, and is your same age... that is also part of her concern.


I guess why I bring this up is to say lack of communication is why they are in this situation. She didn't communicate her issues of not wanting to get any older, her cancer history, the fact she missed a few of her pills one month, and he didn't communicate his not being ready, his desire to be just a married couple for a while before being a family, etc etc.

I know you say your hubby "clams up" but you need to keep trying. Try not to say things that seem accusatory, directed at him, or anything that starts with "You". All your sentences to him need to start with "I". "I am scared I am getting too old" "I am afraid we'll wait and then find out we can't".

If he is worth staying married to, worth being the father of your children, he will listen and he will talk. He will share his feelings and you will come to some sort of an agreement.

Good luck to you!

[rogmel]

Melissa..this is a really tough issue....sometimes I think men do not always understand a woman's desire to be a mom, and it is hard for women to understand why men have reservations about it.

I will share a few of my experiences and hope it helps....

1st....I have had a million ovarian cysts and was on the pill 13 years...and it did not effect my ability to conceive....4 pregnancies(3 babies, one MC)....I still get cysts now and my tubes are tied. I know there can be infertility associated with some types of ovarian cysts, but not with all and not with all people.....I had my first at 32 and third at almost 39.....

2nd....I was 8 months pregnant on our first anniversary....we spent our first year married, pregnant. While we were both on board(my hubby is 3.5 yrs younger than me), and would not change a thing...we would have loved a longer time before kids to just be us.....more travel, etc. would have been great.....the responsibility of a baby is all consuming....while we have had a few small trips just us...a weekend here or there....vacationing with kids(anything with kids) is an adjustment.....you will never have this time of your marriage again....so whatever you decide...savor this time with him!!

3rd....communicating about exactly why he feels like he is not ready and exactly why you are is key. It sould really take 2 yeses to do it, but only 1 no, to wait....

good luck.....and know that if you need to chat, vent, etc...we are here.

Mel

[LUVPINK222]

Thank you so much colo1278 & rogmel I really appreciate the time you took to respond and the advice that you have given. It's definetly a lot to think about. The good thing is that in the couple of times he's actually talked about it, he has said he wants children, eventually and that when it does happen, he's sure he'll be happy about it. I just wish he wanted to talk about it more. I just always imagined that my husband would be like.....I can't WAIT to have babies with you and I can't wait to be a father. Maybe I'm just being unrealistic that guys would be as enthusiastic as women tend to be.
Anyway, thank you! :love:

[colo1278]

I just wanted to say when my husband and I first were dating (8 mos) engaged )one year) and the first year and a half of our marriage, he didn't want to have kids yet, but he said the reason he kept dating me, and asked me to marry him was because he wanted me to be the mother of his children someday. Now, 3 1/2 years after we met, he can't stop talking about it... he sees little girls at the park and says "she is so cute, I want our daughter to look like that, with big eyes..." etc. Almost everytime we *ahem* he's like "wanna make a baby???"

It's really cute, and I am psyched we are both ready finally, so don't worry- you are lucky your husband wants to have children with you and he will eventually be ready, and will be enthusiastic I promise!

Just keep talking and communicating.

[Michael_70]

Originally posted by LUVPINK222@Jun 13 2006, 01:51 PM
Thank you so much colo1278 & rogmel I really appreciate the time you took to respond and the advice that you have given.* It's definetly a lot to think about.* The good thing is that in the couple of times he's actually talked about it, he has said he wants children, eventually and that when it does happen, he's sure he'll be happy about it.* I just wish he wanted to talk about it more.* I just always imagined that my husband would be like.....I can't WAIT to have babies with you and I can't wait to be a father.* Maybe I'm just being unrealistic that guys would be as enthusiastic as women tend to be.
Anyway, thank you! :love:
I think the enthusiastic part depends on the person more than anything. I agree with the others that the communication is huge and it sounds like you are trying to talk.

The thing you have to weigh is your health first. But keep trying to communicate!
Like the others said, if you want to chat we are all here.

Michael

[clsupnorth]

Just wanted to add my story. I'm constantly dealing with ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors, and just turned 30 with 6 years of TTC behind me, so I know how you feel...

I got married at 24, and my hubbie said he wanted to wait 2 years before we started 'thinking' about having kids. In the meantime, we didn't use birth control (and I was secretly charting to make sure we had sex during 'optimal' times). After the 2 year mark, and no 'accidents', I started pushing the topic seriously. I knew that at this point, we had been having unprotected sex for 2 years with no pregnancys, and technically we fit into the fertility problems category. He reluctantly agreed to start officially 'trying' - but he and I both knew it was NOT something he wanted. He accompanied me to dr's, and even underwent his semen analysis, but if he knew I was at a fertile time, he would clam up and avoid sex. This was a guy who was NOT ready, even though he said he was.

It's now been 6 years of marriage and 4 years of serious infertility investigation. Last year I had an emotional breakdown because we were still infertile, and he was still secretly 'opposed' to having kids. What was a great marriage deteriorated due to this breakdown. I ended up having an affair, nearly destroying our marriage, and both of us had to endure the grueling task of rebuilding.

That brings us to now... he is very ready. And I can tell the difference. He is genuinely disappointed each month with me. But most importantly? I matured. I feel in hindsight that there was alot of growing up I needed to do, and only now do I consider myself truly ready for motherhood.

Not sure why I told all this - I think my point was that no one can be made to be 'ready'. He will need to come around on his own. In the meantime, you need to consider the health of yourself, and your possible child. Communication with him is essential, of course. Marital counselling really helped us there. Our therapist was very sympathetic to the TTC thing, and flat out told DH that my biological clock would not wait around for his indecisiveness.

[LUVPINK222]

clsupnorth & Michael_70 Thank you for sharing your story! It's nice to know that I'm not 'alone' in the struggle to be on the same page with my hubby and TTC. I know it will work out in the end, as it often does for most things. He's always saying that he knows he'll be a great dad and that when it happens he's sure he will love it. That doesn't necessarily make me feel any better though...

We got into a big discussion/fight about it on Saturday and unfortunetly the conversation is a bit cloudy becasue I had a couple of glasses of wine. It was more or less a fight then a discussion though. He said when it happens fine but until then he'd rather not talk about it and if I'm ready and he's not then he'll just have to deal with it. I told him that's not good enough. I need more reassurance from him... that I'm also scared about the thought of having kids, do I want them..yes! But does it terrify me?...yes! I told him that I want...need to feel like he's right there with me 'jumping off that cliff' , holding my hand and that it scares me the way he feels about it. I'm really not sure I got through to him. He slept in another bed that night..... :oops: So, things are fine now but he didn't even bring it up the next day and I was too exhausted to bring it up again.

It makes me sad but I feel like there's nothing I can do and nothing more I can say. He said he feels like I'm nagging when I bring it up and he say's when I say things like....oh when we have kids, this and that.....he says that he feels like I'm intentionally trying to get a rise out of him, which I'm not. I just want him to say those things, too and give me a little glimpse that he'll be a good partner and an involved partner when kids arrive. I think this terrifys me more than the thought of the actual giving birth to a baby............I'm at a loss.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by LUVPINK222@Jun 21 2006, 12:35 PM
He said when it happens fine but until then he'd rather not talk about it and if I'm ready and he's not then he'll just have to deal with it. I told him that's not good enough.




Actually, that's really good. He's a guy, remember? Not a chick. He thinks differently, and just because he thinks differently, doesn't mean it's wrong. His every waking moment is not filled with thoughts of famililes, babies, paint color, motherhood, reproductive concerns, feelings, etc. He thinks about cars, sex, sex, his penis, work, food, sex, money, sex. That's the truth. So for him to say he doesn't want to keep talking about it is valid - that's not the thing he obsesses about, and no amount of coersion will force him to obsess about it. I learned that the hard way.



I need more reassurance from him... that I'm also scared about the thought of having kids, do I want them..yes! But does it terrify me?...yes! I told him that I want...need to feel like he's right there with me 'jumping off that cliff' , holding my hand and that it scares me the way he feels about it.
See, this is what I mean. Childbearing and motherhood excites and thrills us women, and it's kinda scary. We wrap up our thoughts with emotions - we can't separate such a monumental thought from our emotions. But they can. A guy can take something equally monumental to him (let's say changing careers) and mull over it, plan and think without getting all emotional. There's just no way he is EVER going to be as nervous and excited as you are about TTC. This is our thing!


I just want him to say those things, too and give me a little glimpse that he'll be a good partner and an involved partner when kids arrive.
If you read between the lines with what he said in the first part, I think you'll see that he did say that. In a guy way. Saying that if it happens then 'fine' and adding that he'll 'deal' with it is his version of our 4 week rap session with the girls spending hours each day on the phone mulling it over and over, stressing, losing sleep, seeing a therapist, writing in our journals, etc.

[LUVPINK222]

clsupnorth Thank you again for your response! It seems like you hit the nail on the head! Good way to look at it, I never thought about the things you pointed out. It makes me feel a lot better about things. Guess I should read Men are from Mars......
Anyway, thank you, I'm not going to worrry about this anymore!

[RussianBlue]

Not that I will be of any help for you but I am dealing with a similar issue...only that I am the one who does not want to have a child but my husband wants one.
Not real bad, but sometime in the future.

It is on my mind 24/7.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by LUVPINK222@Jun 22 2006, 08:46 AM
clsupnorth Thank you again for your response! It seems like you hit the nail on the head! Good way to look at it, I never thought about the things you pointed out. It makes me feel a lot better about things. Guess I should read Men are from Mars......
Anyway, thank you, I'm not going to worrry about this anymore!
No prob!

If you can believe it, a few months ago my husband bought "Why men don't listen and why women can't read maps". He read it, and then I did - it's AWESOME! Really good to clarify the differences in thought processes between the sexes - and it has lots of examples where both of us were like "Holy cow! That's totally us!"

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by RussianBlue@Jun 22 2006, 07:27 PM
Not that I will be of any help for you but I am dealing with a similar issue...only that I am the one who does not want to have a child but my husband wants one.
Not real bad, but sometime in the future.

It is on my mind 24/7.
Hey, Russian! That must be a tough situation - I can imagine the pressures that you would get, not only from him but society in general. Hope things work out for you.

[LUVPINK222]

Originally posted by clsupnorth+Jun 22 2006, 09:41 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (clsupnorth @ Jun 22 2006, 09:41 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-LUVPINK222@Jun 22 2006, 08:46 AM
clsupnorth Thank you again for your response&#33; It seems like you hit the nail on the head&#33; Good way to look at it, I never thought about the things you pointed out. It makes me feel a lot better about things. Guess I should read Men are from Mars......
Anyway, thank you, I&#39;m not going to worrry about this anymore&#33;
No prob&#33;

If you can believe it, a few months ago my husband bought "Why men don&#39;t listen and why women can&#39;t read maps". He read it, and then I did - it&#39;s AWESOME&#33; Really good to clarify the differences in thought processes between the sexes - and it has lots of examples where both of us were like "Holy cow&#33; That&#39;s totally us&#33;" [/b][/quote]
runs off to amazon.com to get the book................. :lol:

[RussianBlue]

Well, I am not getting too much pressure from him and family. They all know my stance regarding children. However, I have decided to go to counseling to find out why I have this strong aversion against children (of certain ages). I am sure it stems from a not so happy childhood.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by RussianBlue@Jun 23 2006, 07:17 PM
Well, I am not getting too much pressure from him and family. They all know my stance regarding children. However, I have decided to go to counseling to find out why I have this strong aversion against children (of certain ages). I am sure it stems from a not so happy childhood.
Counselling is always a good idea - it&#39;s helped me many times. If it makes you feel any better, I have a huge aversion to kids as well, even though I desperately want some of my own. I realized that it&#39;s not just other people&#39;s kids, but particularly boys. can&#39;t stand them.

I actually hated kids and never wanted them, but then my 1st niece arrived. And instead of looking at her like someone else&#39;s kid, I learned to love her like my own. Then they had another girl. And another. And then a boy. And I love them all&#33;
That experience made me realize that it wasn&#39;t that I didn&#39;t like or want them - it was just I couldn&#39;t stand other people&#39;s kids.

[fitnesschick]

i never wanted kids at all either&#33; i ended up with 4 and would happily have more but we&#39;re done. there is nothing like having your own baby, carrying your baby in your body, giving birth and meeting your baby for the first time :love: . it all sets you up to fall in love and be attached to your child. it is not like caring for or being around other children.
that being said ... not having kids for some people is the RIGHT choice for them. there is no right or wrong in having kids. i hope you find the answers you are looking for russianblue.

[RussianBlue]

Originally posted by clsupnorth@Jun 24 2006, 11:03 AM
I actually hated kids and never wanted them, but then my 1st niece arrived. And instead of looking at her like someone else&#39;s kid, I learned to love her like my own. Then they had another girl. And another. And then a boy. And I love them all&#33;
That experience made me realize that it wasn&#39;t that I didn&#39;t like or want them - it was just I couldn&#39;t stand other people&#39;s kids.
Hm, that&#39;s interesting.

SIL has two boys and that actually reinforced my aversion. But I have two say that the older one is a rather difficult child...very defiant, lots of tantrums...

Fitnesschick, just the thought of a changing body and getting out of shape terrifies me. That also adds to not wanting to have a child.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by RussianBlue@Jun 24 2006, 02:28 PM
SIL has two boys and that actually reinforced my aversion. But I have two say that the older one is a rather difficult child...very defiant, lots of tantrums...
Nothing like a misbehaved boy to steer you away from kids....

[fitnesschick]

misbehaved kids, yeah, they are a deterent ... the thing is ... all kids misbehave at different times for different reasons. and alot of it has to do with parenting and just the general make up of the child. doesn&#39;t mean your kids will be like that though. so you are right, it is good to take that into consideration because all kids have their moments.

after 4 babies ... i&#39;m in my best shape ever ... but then i think i was always fortunate that i lost my pregnancy weight and then some right after. i can&#39;t say it was easy watching my body change but just the fact that i was able to grow a baby inside of me and feel the baby took away from the fears i had of my changing body.

it&#39;s not an easy decision for you russianblue. maybe you have a different path in this life that doesn&#39;t involve being a mom.

[Jared]

Originally posted by LUVPINK222@Jun 12 2006, 04:01 PM
I&#39;m 32 and I want to try for a baby in the next 6 months. Ideally I would like to be pregnant in March or February. My hubby is a few years younger than I and he&#39;s not quite ready to have a baby yet. He really doesn&#39;t even like to talk about it and clams up when I bring it up. We&#39;ve only been married a year and ideally I would love to wait a few more years to have a baby. But I&#39;m really worried about being older coupled with the fact that I have already had issues with ovarian cysts and the docotors have told me I should do it sooner rather than later.

So, my question is, has anyone else struggled with the timing and or enthusiasim with their sig. other? WHat did you do? Do I just do it when I feel it&#39;s necessary or wait and possibly risk not being able to conceive? I&#39;m so confused........
A bit late here, but has he mentioned why he doesn&#39;t want one now? I married a woman in her early 30&#39;s as well, and we went through this early in the marriage. I had reasons for not wanting children yet, but I expressed them poorly. Anyway, if you can figure out why he isn&#39;t receptive to it yet, you might be able to work on it.

[PowerManDL]

It&#39;s because having children ties you into a good 20 years of slavery.

[Erin]

Originally posted by PowerManDL@Jul 6 2006, 09:54 PM
It&#39;s because having children ties you into a good 20 years of slavery.
:sad: :sad:

[Jared]

Matt should write Hallmark cards. He is so sensitive.

[PowerManDL]

They&#39;re contracting me to write their new "Show them you don&#39;t give a shit" line.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by PowerManDL@Jul 6 2006, 11:39 PM
They&#39;re contracting me to write their new "Show them you don&#39;t give a shit" line.
I actually think that would probably be a big hit.

[PowerManDL]

hmmm.....

"Congratulations on the baby&#33; Guess you can give up retiring early now&#33;"

"Sorry your grandma died. At least now you don&#39;t have to worry about changing diapers."

"Heard you got married last week. I&#39;d have come, but I was getting drunk to make up for your loss of freedom."

Yeah, I think you&#39;re right&#33; :D

[Strive2Define]

Originally posted by PowerManDL@Jul 6 2006, 09:54 PM
It&#39;s because having children ties you into a good 20 years of slavery.
This is true and not only that but babies GROW up and turn into TODDLERS(double ick)that WHINE and touch things with sticky hands and snotty noses.

Seriously, I would not push the issue with him..if he feels as seriously about it as it seems and you guilt him into something he is just not ready for, he will only regret you and possible the kid too in the long run.

[colo1278]

Just a question...

why are all the people who despise children hanging out in the pregnancy forum?

:confused:

[Strive2Define]

Originally posted by colo1278@Jul 7 2006, 08:27 AM
Just a question...

why are all the people who despise children hanging out in the pregnancy forum?

:confused:
HA HA..I don&#39;t despise children...I have 3 of my own....I was merely pointing out the fact that having children does have a downside and perhaps her husband is aware of this. ;)

[colo1278]

ah, ok. :)

It just seemed like there was a lot of baby-bashin going on and for someone who&#39;s TTC and is excited about it, I was a little like, "hey, go somewhere else&#33;"

[3sweeties]

why are all the people who despise children hanging out in the pregnancy forum?
:lol:

I don&#39;t understand why having children or not having them isn&#39;t discussed before marriage. I don&#39;t think anyone should have or not have children if that is their choice.

I also don&#39;t care for other peoples children, especially when the parents haven&#39;t taken the time to discipline and teach their children how to behave. That said I adore my children and if I was 10 years younger would have more. :D

[RussianBlue]

Originally posted by 3sweeties@Jul 7 2006, 07:51 AM
I don&#39;t understand why having children or not having them isn&#39;t discussed before marriage. I don&#39;t think anyone should have or not have children if that is their choice.
Sometimes people change...

[northernstar]

Originally posted by RussianBlue@Jul 7 2006, 06:43 PM
Sometimes people change...
Exactly.
I go back and forth on the baby issue all the time. My SO wants to have kids, but I&#39;m not so sure. Sometimes I think I really want to be a parent, sometimes I think "HELL no&#33;"
Did anyone else go back and forth or did you always know either way?

[lckychrms]

Originally posted by northernstar@Jul 7 2006, 05:02 PM
Exactly.
I go back and forth on the baby issue all the time. My SO wants to have kids, but I&#39;m not so sure. Sometimes I think I really want to be a parent, sometimes I think "HELL no&#33;"
Did anyone else go back and forth or did you always know either way?
I go back and forth all the time. My husband wanted to have kids from the beginning. One day I&#39;m okay with the idea, the next I&#39;m back to "hell no&#33;" I think it&#39;s the prospect of being responsible for the mental scaring of an impressionable young mind that&#39;s kept me from having kids thus far.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by Strive2Define@Jul 7 2006, 06:21 AM
This is true and not only that but babies GROW up and turn into TODDLERS(double ick)that WHINE and touch things with sticky hands and snotty noses.

It&#39;s like people who want to get puppies or kittens because they are sooooo cute. Yeah, but they grow up to be hyper dogs who bark, cats who leave stinky poos in the plants, hairballs, scratched furniture, etc, etc.

[colo1278]

While I respect people who do not want to have kids as that is their choice, I have a hard time understanding all this cynicism&#33;

Yes, children are going to have their bad points here and there- Isn&#39;t that LIFE??? You take the good with the bad because the good is so so so good.

That same little toddler who spills his grape juice on your presentation for work will someday crawl into your lap and say "I love you" and melt you heart.

and they grow up too and hopefully, become wonderful adults who you get to marry off perhaps to other wonderful adults and then you get adorable little grandchildren that you can spoil with candy and coloring books.

That&#39;s why I am trying to having children and the main reason I picked my husband to marry is because he burst into a huge smile when I read this post to him. I want to give that man the little girl maybe that steals his heart and decorates his office walls with finger-paintings. I want to give him the little boy maybe who runs through the house with muddy shoes but then hits a homer out of the park that afternoon and makes my husband smile with pride.

Anyway, I think after this post I am not going to read this thread anymore- way too depressing to read aboiut all these people who focus on the "bad" parts. I think it&#39;s sad they&#39;ll miss out on all the amazing.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by colo1278@Jul 8 2006, 09:24 AM
While I respect people who do not want to have kids as that is their choice, I have a hard time understanding all this cynicism&#33;

Anyway, I think after this post I am not going to read this thread anymore- way too depressing to read aboiut all these people who focus on the "bad" parts. I think it&#39;s sad they&#39;ll miss out on all the amazing.
??? First of all, being cynical is often a joke. You know, lighthearted humor? I&#39;ve been trying to conceive for 6 years - so believe me, I know all about wanting to have children, and desperately wanting to have poopy diapers to clean up.
However, I also need some light hearted humor in my life so that I don&#39;t sink into a deep depression every month when we fail once again at conceiving. This board is full of people who&#39;s lives revolve around fitness - not babies. The preg threads were put on here for &#39;added&#39; interest, not the main interest. So, people like Matt and others are free to butt in and throw a little sarcasm around. They don&#39;t mean any harm. Everything that is said needs to be taken with a huge box of salt. If you strongly desire a forum that is 110% supportive of babies, children, and trying to conceive, then I suggest sites like www.fertilityfriend.com, or others like them. I have been a regular member at many such boards, and it is there that I find support and friendship in people who strongly value children (the good and the bad parts).
On this board, you will find support and friendship in people who strongly value fitness, nutrition, and the like. That&#39;s all you should expect.

Oh, and my point in my post was that people who have children should do so knowing full well that there will be messy, unpleasant things, along with the fun, cute things. I have a hard time tolerating parents who complain about all the diapers, crying, scraped knees... because I would give anything to be in their shoes. But I find some people have babies like they buy puppies - on impulse, and without being ready.

[colo1278]

Originally posted by clsupnorth@Jul 8 2006, 06:08 PM

??? First of all, being cynical is often a joke. You know, lighthearted humor? I&#39;ve been trying to conceive for 6 years - so believe me, I know all about wanting to have children, and desperately wanting to have poopy diapers to clean up.
However, I also need some light hearted humor in my life so that I don&#39;t sink into a deep depression every month when we fail once again at conceiving. This board is full of people who&#39;s lives revolve around fitness - not babies. The preg threads were put on here for &#39;added&#39; interest, not the main interest. So, people like Matt and others are free to butt in and throw a little sarcasm around. They don&#39;t mean any harm. Everything that is said needs to be taken with a huge box of salt. If you strongly desire a forum that is 110% supportive of babies, children, and trying to conceive, then I suggest sites like www.fertilityfriend.com, or others like them. I have been a regular member at many such boards, and it is there that I find support and friendship in people who strongly value children (the good and the bad parts).
On this board, you will find support and friendship in people who strongly value fitness, nutrition, and the like. That&#39;s all you should expect.

Oh, and my point in my post was that people who have children should do so knowing full well that there will be messy, unpleasant things, along with the fun, cute things. I have a hard time tolerating parents who complain about all the diapers, crying, scraped knees... because I would give anything to be in their shoes. But I find some people have babies like they buy puppies - on impulse, and without being ready.
argh. talk about taking someone else&#39;s post too seriously. I know full well that this is a fitness site and I too am struggling with getting pregnant, so I understand needing a little humor-humor is fine- what I don&#39;t want to hear is people who hate kids go on and on about how awful they are, listen to my girlfriend who is accidentally pregnant right now worried that her fiance won&#39;t go through with the wedding (and wish the tables were turned, or see that a 4 year old in NY survived an 11-story fall today from an apartment building because his mom left him home alone. What I mean is not necessarily just people on here are the ones making me upset... just people in general and this thread was one more example of that.

anyhoo, sorry if I offended you or anyone else- it wasn&#39;t meant to be directed at you or anyone on here I guess. It was a general frustration that came to a head and I had an safe outlet to vent here and I took it.

[PowerManDL]

I heard that babies steal your breath at night while you sleep.

[clsupnorth]

Originally posted by PowerManDL@Jul 9 2006, 01:09 PM
I heard that babies steal your breath at night while you sleep.
No, that&#39;s cats, dumbass.

[fit'n'healthy]

Originally posted by LUVPINK222@Jun 12 2006, 04:01 PM
I&#39;m 32 and I want to try for a baby in the next 6 months. Ideally I would like to be pregnant in March or February. My hubby is a few years younger than I and he&#39;s not quite ready to have a baby yet. He really doesn&#39;t even like to talk about it and clams up when I bring it up. We&#39;ve only been married a year and ideally I would love to wait a few more years to have a baby. But I&#39;m really worried about being older coupled with the fact that I have already had issues with ovarian cysts and the docotors have told me I should do it sooner rather than later.

So, my question is, has anyone else struggled with the timing and or enthusiasim with their sig. other? WHat did you do? Do I just do it when I feel it&#39;s necessary or wait and possibly risk not being able to conceive? I&#39;m so confused........
Ha&#33; Are we married to twins???? My husband and I just got married a couple of months ago, and I&#39;m about to turn 26 and he will be 33. I would love to wait a few years to have kids, but with him being 33, I don&#39;t want to wait that long. Our plan is to start trying after he graduates w/ his master&#39;s next May, once we&#39;ve moved wherever we will be. I am excited for this, but sometimes I feel like he&#39;s not so much. I am hoping that he will get more excited as the time goes by. He says yes he does want kids, and trying in a year is fine. I don&#39;t want "fine". I want him to be excited to have a baby&#33; Which makes me think maybe some guys are just like that, and once you have one they change?

[Jared]

Originally posted by fit&#39;n&#39;healthy+Jul 10 2006, 01:49 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (fit&#39;n&#39;healthy @ Jul 10 2006, 01:49 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-LUVPINK222@Jun 12 2006, 04:01 PM
I&#39;m 32 and I want to try for a baby in the next 6 months. Ideally I would like to be pregnant in March or February. My hubby is a few years younger than I and he&#39;s not quite ready to have a baby yet. He really doesn&#39;t even like to talk about it and clams up when I bring it up. We&#39;ve only been married a year and ideally I would love to wait a few more years to have a baby. But I&#39;m really worried about being older coupled with the fact that I have already had issues with ovarian cysts and the docotors have told me I should do it sooner rather than later.

So, my question is, has anyone else struggled with the timing and or enthusiasim with their sig. other? WHat did you do? Do I just do it when I feel it&#39;s necessary or wait and possibly risk not being able to conceive? I&#39;m so confused........
Ha&#33; Are we married to twins???? My husband and I just got married a couple of months ago, and I&#39;m about to turn 26 and he will be 33. I would love to wait a few years to have kids, but with him being 33, I don&#39;t want to wait that long. Our plan is to start trying after he graduates w/ his master&#39;s next May, once we&#39;ve moved wherever we will be. I am excited for this, but sometimes I feel like he&#39;s not so much. I am hoping that he will get more excited as the time goes by. He says yes he does want kids, and trying in a year is fine. I don&#39;t want "fine". I want him to be excited to have a baby&#33; Which makes me think maybe some guys are just like that, and once you have one they change? [/b][/quote]
To give you some hope for his mood (whether it&#39;s warranted or not), I could easily see how he might not show a whole lot of interest now. If I have something fun coming up, but before it is going to come, I have a really crappy thing to deal with first, it&#39;s very difficult to get excited about the fun thing until the crappy thing is done. Lets say I have a vacation in Hawaii coming up, but I have a deadline that is a day before I leave for Hawaii for a really tough project at work. I won&#39;t really start to get excited about the trip until I get done with the project at work. He may be viewing grad school in a similar light - he knows certain things will have to wait until he can finish it up, so it might be hard for him to look ahead to them while he&#39;s still wading through grad school.

Another issue is that men&#39;s timeline of excitement may be different from yours. Tell me how many guys have a newborn and constantly say "I wish we hadn&#39;t had one". We don&#39;t get to carry the baby for 9 months. We don&#39;t get the attention (and essentially elevated social status it can offer many women, at least amongst other women) when our wife is pregnant. So much of the process may not be as exciting to us, but when the little sucker comes squirting out, a lot can change.

[NCfitnessgirl]

Originally posted by Jared@Jul 10 2006, 04:01 PM
little sucker comes squirting out
:blink:

[clsupnorth]

Yeah, that makes it sound like it&#39;s easy.

[Jared]

Originally posted by NCfitnessgirl@Jul 10 2006, 03:32 PM
:blink:
:lol:

It&#39;s not that simple? :confused:

:unsure:

[clsupnorth]

Does it LOOK simple?

[Jared]

Originally posted by clsupnorth@Jul 10 2006, 09:45 PM
Does it LOOK simple?
I could&#39;ve sworn in sex ed they said it was a "quick, painless process that the mother embraces". :unsure:

[Aaron_F]

having watched the midwife catch my daughter, I agree with Jareds comment of "squirting out"

[strongchick]

Originally posted by Jared@Jul 10 2006, 10:49 PM
I could&#39;ve sworn in sex ed they said it was a "quick, painless process that the mother embraces". :unsure:
Your sex ed teacher should be shot.

[fit'n'healthy]

Originally posted by Jared+Jul 10 2006, 03:01 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Jared @ Jul 10 2006, 03:01 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
Originally posted by fit&#39;n&#39;healthy@Jul 10 2006, 01:49 PM
<!--QuoteBegin-LUVPINK222@Jun 12 2006, 04:01 PM
I&#39;m 32 and I want to try for a baby in the next 6 months. Ideally I would like to be pregnant in March or February.* My hubby is a few years younger than I and he&#39;s not quite ready to have a baby yet.* He really doesn&#39;t even like to talk about it and clams up when I bring it up.* We&#39;ve only been married a year and ideally I would love to wait a few more years to have a baby. But I&#39;m really worried about being older coupled with the fact that I have already had issues with ovarian cysts and the docotors have told me I should do it sooner rather than later.

So, my question is, has anyone else struggled with the timing and or enthusiasim with their sig. other? WHat did you do?* Do I just do it when I feel it&#39;s necessary or wait and possibly risk not being able to conceive? I&#39;m so confused........
Ha&#33; Are we married to twins???? My husband and I just got married a couple of months ago, and I&#39;m about to turn 26 and he will be 33. I would love to wait a few years to have kids, but with him being 33, I don&#39;t want to wait that long. Our plan is to start trying after he graduates w/ his master&#39;s next May, once we&#39;ve moved wherever we will be. I am excited for this, but sometimes I feel like he&#39;s not so much. I am hoping that he will get more excited as the time goes by. He says yes he does want kids, and trying in a year is fine. I don&#39;t want "fine". I want him to be excited to have a baby&#33; Which makes me think maybe some guys are just like that, and once you have one they change?
To give you some hope for his mood (whether it&#39;s warranted or not), I could easily see how he might not show a whole lot of interest now. If I have something fun coming up, but before it is going to come, I have a really crappy thing to deal with first, it&#39;s very difficult to get excited about the fun thing until the crappy thing is done. Lets say I have a vacation in Hawaii coming up, but I have a deadline that is a day before I leave for Hawaii for a really tough project at work. I won&#39;t really start to get excited about the trip until I get done with the project at work. He may be viewing grad school in a similar light - he knows certain things will have to wait until he can finish it up, so it might be hard for him to look ahead to them while he&#39;s still wading through grad school.

Another issue is that men&#39;s timeline of excitement may be different from yours. Tell me how many guys have a newborn and constantly say "I wish we hadn&#39;t had one". We don&#39;t get to carry the baby for 9 months. We don&#39;t get the attention (and essentially elevated social status it can offer many women, at least amongst other women) when our wife is pregnant. So much of the process may not be as exciting to us, but when the little sucker comes squirting out, a lot can change. [/b][/quote]
I think you may be right on with your analysis. He is the type to take one thing at a time, so right now he isn&#39;t thinking about anything but finishing up this one year program and where we&#39;ll be after that. I also think you are right about what guys get excited about, and the timeline. Girls usually spend their whole lives wanting to have children, and guys prob don&#39;t think about it too much until its time.

I did ask him last night if he will be excited to start trying in a year and he said yes, when that comes he&#39;ll be ready and excited.