Worried about husband's health...kind of long

[FloridaBlueEyes]

I wasn't sure where to put this post...
I'm very concerned about my husband's health. He's been sick constantly for a long time now...since before Christmas. It's always colds, sinus infections, or stomach viruses. He's always tired and has missed a lot of work.

I finally convinced him to go see his Dr (that he hadn't been to see in 3 years). Doc said to get blood taken...that was like 3 months ago, and my husband still hasn't gone. He went to an allergist who said he's allergic to trees, grasses, and plants. We live in FL and pollen of all kinds is really bad this year...doc thinks that all these allergies could be knocking his immune system down which is why he gets sick all the time. He prescribed Nasonex, which hubby has been taking faithfully. I don't think it has helped though, because he missed work again today with a bad sinus headache.

My husband refuses to go back to the doctor or get his bloodwork done. I thought maybe a lifestyle change would help him...so I've tried to get him to train with me, but he doesn't like lifting weights. He doesn't eat that well...flat out refuses to eat clean with me... won't even eat"healthy." I'm going to suggest other "active" things we can do together...hopefully he'll like one of them.

It's not like it's been one cold...it's been months and months of constant feeling illnesses. Are all men this stubborn when it comes to their health? A guy I work with said he used to be the same way, then he had a serious health scare and that changed his tune. My hubby's only 28...I don't like the idea of waiting until something bad happens to him.

I've tried talking to him about it, but he gets angry with me. He tells me that I worry too much, and that going to a doctor isn't going to do anything. I can't force him to go.

I'm not sure where I was going with all this...I think I just needed to get it out. Is there anything else I can do here other than support him and take care of him when he's sick? Anyone else have a stubborn significant other? Any men want to give me a guy's perspective?

Thanks for listening...time for bed

[dearest22]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. My husband is stubborn too, i have to beg and beg, and remind him over and over again to go to the doctor!! there isnt much you can do though, besides asking him to go, supporting him and communicating with him about why you want him to go, ect..

Really, I don't have any advice. I'm sorry. Countine to be the best wife you can be, set a good example with your healthy eating and workouts, and hopefull he'll begin to understand. :)


ALSO- you should put this in the chat section, or the trainign section, you might get more responses! :)

[poke]

This is only sort of the same, but my bf used to complain non-stop about his commute. He would give me the full 45 minute play-by-play every single day, and leave me feeling as stressed out as if I had done it myeslf. And while his commute really IS bad, he knew it would be that bad when he moved into his apartment, and he had plenty of options that would have made his commute much shorter. One day I told him that while I didn't expect him to LIKE his commute, I didn't want to hear about it any more and that it was his choice for living there and his problem to deal with. I would recommend the same for your hubby. If he is chronically sick, he should see a doctor. If he doesn't want to, well, it's his choice to be sick and no one else should have to baby him for it. You can still be supportive of his being healthy without giving him special care while he's sick. You should tell him how you feel about it, though, before he gets sick again. "I think you're foolish for not going to the doctor, but that's your choice. However, I'm not going to take care of you anymore when you are sick because I'm tired of solving a problem that you choose to perpetuate." End of statement, no discussion, his choice what to do about it. I guess it's kind of like tough love for the stubborn husband! :p

[Tina]

Originally posted by poke@Jun 15 2006, 04:36 AM
This is only sort of the same, but my bf used to complain non-stop about his commute. He would give me the full 45 minute play-by-play every single day, and leave me feeling as stressed out as if I had done it myeslf. And while his commute really IS bad, he knew it would be that bad when he moved into his apartment, and he had plenty of options that would have made his commute much shorter. One day I told him that while I didn't expect him to LIKE his commute, I didn't want to hear about it any more and that it was his choice for living there and his problem to deal with. I would recommend the same for your hubby. If he is chronically sick, he should see a doctor. If he doesn't want to, well, it's his choice to be sick and no one else should have to baby him for it. You can still be supportive of his being healthy without giving him special care while he's sick. You should tell him how you feel about it, though, before he gets sick again. "I think you're foolish for not going to the doctor, but that's your choice. However, I'm not going to take care of you anymore when you are sick because I'm tired of solving a problem that you choose to perpetuate." End of statement, no discussion, his choice what to do about it. I guess it's kind of like tough love for the stubborn husband! :p
I like your advice! ;)
my hubby is also stubborn about going to the doc, and he complains all the time so I say "well if you're not going to the doctor, don't complain to me!"

[strongchick]

I agree with the above advice.

When you talk to him about it, what do YOU say? How do you bring it up exactly?

[FloridaBlueEyes]

Thanks for all the replies and advice. Usually, I bring it up when he is sick. For example, the other day when he came home from work early because his sinuses hurt, I said, "Do you think you might have a sinus infection again?" He said"Maybe" Then I said, "it might be a good idea to let the doctor check you out." He said "No, i'm not going to the doctor. What's he going to do anyway?" So i dropped it. He didn't go to work the next day, or today because he still feels like crap.

I don't really baby him...he doesn't really like that. I just ask him how he's feeling, and if he needs me to pick up juice, or medicine. His boss has actually made comments to him about how much work he is missing. I figured that would be enough to motivate him, but it didn't.

I guess next time he gets sick and starts to complain, I'll just say "you know what I think you should do, so don't bitch to me!"

[strongchick]

I would bring it up differently. He can interpret the way you are mentioning it as 'nagging' and telling him what to do.

If I were you, I would ask him to sit down with you and ask if he can just hear you out for a little bit. Then express how concerned you are for his health. List examples of things you've seen: sickness, sleep, etc. Emphasize that you are WORRIED about him. Also be sure to impact the effect it has on your marriage. You want him to live a long and healthy life, right? If he doesn't take care of himself, you will be an early widow at the worst, but at the very least his health affects you as well: you worry more, you have $$ due to the job, your sex life may suffer, etc. Try not to come across as blaming or accusatory, but he should realize that by neglecting his health, he is not only affecting HIS life, but yours as well.

He's afraid of something. That's why he won't go. The question is, what is he afraid of. That something is wrong? That he'll have to change his lifestyle?

Be sure that you are a good example. Eat healthy, etc. Don't bring crap food into the house. If he wants it, tell him you are choosing to be healthy and you won't cater to his desire to be unhealthy...its his choice if he wants to eat that way, but you won't.

Its very hard....but good luck.

[fitnesschick]

i really don't have much advice just wanted to let you know i really hope you can work this out together. it must be completely frustrating for you.

[Mandy]

I'm not sure what I'd do, but I like the advice where you tell him to fix it it himself or quit complaining. No one likes going to the dr, but people do it, I drive 2 hours in one direction for a specialist a couple times a year. Why does he like being miserable? Seems a little odd to me.

[Miker]

I don't understand why he would continue to want to feel like shit all the time... when he could go get bloodwork done and find out what is wrong... perhaps though.. that is the issue.. he is afraid to find out what is wrong.


Personally.. I have a physical once a year and ensure I see the doc when I feel out of sorts (more than I would for a cold)

[FloridaBlueEyes]

Wow, thanks everyone. :) I think some of it for him is fear. When he went to the allergist, he said that he was afraid the doc would tell him he's allergic to everything and put him on tons of "pointless drugs" that made make him feel worse and not work. He really doesn't like to take any kind of medicine. I'm totally opposite...if i'm sick and a drug can help, sign me up! Like Miker, I'll go to the doc for anything worse than a cold. I have a physical and blood work every year, plus my yearly female exam. I like being on top of my health and knowing what's going on in my body.

I have told him that I'm worried about him, but he dismisses it and says I worry too much about nothing. I thought about suggesting a non-medical approach...like herbs, or accupuncture, but I know him and he'll think it's hokey and silly.

I think we need to talk again. He gets closed down sometimes, and it's hard to talk to him about anything when he gets like that. Some of it may have to do with how he was raised as well. He didn't go to doctors a whole lot I think...he has a scar on his chin because he fell onto a curb and his dad refused to take him to the hospital to get it stiched up because it "wasn't that bad". He said it took months to heal because it was such a deep cut.

We don't have much crap food in the house because I can't have it around me or I'll slip up. He always goes out to eat at work, even if I pack him a lunch. Nights he does things right after work, he'll grab fast food, again even if I pack him a dinner.

Thanks for all the advice and such. I think my mom's gotten tired of hearing about all this :) ...it's good to get some other perspectives.

[carebearstitch]

This may sound weird but have there been any water leaks at his place of business? Are the ceiling tiles discolored showing water damage?

Most sinus infections are caused by mold.

[poke]

I can understand how he feels about doctors, I was raised the same way. If yellow triamenic didn't solve your problem, too bad! :lol: But, if it is allergies it won't be lots of meds - usually just one. I take Flonase (one nasal spray a day) and it has completely resolved my allergies. Allergies that were bad enough to earn me the nickname "Typhoid Mary."

He definitely sounds like he is avoiding change, but well, sounds like change needs to happen.