How much is "too much"

Discussion in 'Mindless Banter' started by K8TYE, Sep 15, 2008.

  1. K8TYE

    K8TYE Member

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    When it comes to your SO checking out the opposite sex?

    I am curious of people's opinions on this. I have been dating a guy for about 18 months now, and for the most part it is phenomenal! However, it has really gotten on my nerves lately how he checks out--and comments on-- every single female we see. He has done this since the day we met, so I don't feel like I can get upset at him when it seems like it's a part of who he is. However, I keep thinking that I don't need to stick around if it bothers me so much.

    But will anyone else I date be the same way? I am not talking about glancing at or appreciating other women. I don't mind a guy telling me what is attractive--and I appreciate beauty in other women too. But no matter where we are the comment is, "look at that ass", or "did you see her rack?!?!". If we are out in public, he probably comments on 8 of 10 females that we might see. It just seems a little excessive!! (Not to mention that he seems to prefer to check out high school girls--despite the fact that he is in his forties!!)

    Just curious from guys and girls to get some perspective on what is normal... and what is over the top objectifying! I don't even like him ogling me any more!! I should throw in that this is only the second serious relationship I have been in--and the first one ended because of very similary reasons! :suicide:
     
  2. smuggie

    smuggie Maureen aka Mo

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    I'd say that this is a case of too much, even more so considering his age and that most of the chicks he looks at are in high school.

    With that said I think you need to ask yourself why you keep repeating the same pattern, and why you keep attracting the same kind of men. Do you maybe have a fear of commitment deep down inside? Do you lack self-esteem?

    I don't know you, so I'm just throwing a few questions out to give you something to think about.
     
  3. mackie

    mackie With my hero, Brigitte Gabriel

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    Yes! Much too much!


    Yes. And why/how you even let it turn into a "serious relationship" despite the fact that this type of behavior is so bothersome to you.

    Nobody is perfect, of course. We all have to appreciated our loved ones, flaws and all. But there are some things that cannot/should not be overlooked or accepted.
     
  4. fatty27

    fatty27 Member

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    To the bold part :blink: thats a little scary...I would honestly rethink a relationship I was in if this was the case. Sorry.

    I, on the other, enjoy when boyfriends of mine comment on other woman, especially since I'm mainly the one doing it:naughty: However I actually go up to these woman and tell them their beautiful. But if it got to be in access, to where he isn't sharing with you his opinions rather saying aloud how he wants that 15year old ass, than you need to talk about it with him. Tell him how uncomfortable you are with it. He may have gotten to comfortable with you and sharing his opinions of woman and is taking it as far as he feels he can....until YOU SAY SOMETHING about it.

    To be honest the 1st sentence sounded like you were in love, yet with every new sentence it seemed your true feelings for him where staring to come out, which is.. your not into him anymore, but you want to be.
     
  5. K8TYE

    K8TYE Member

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    Thank you for the replies! I appreciate the great input, and realize I have a great deal to think about. I think I know in my heart that it is not going to go anywhere...but a part of me is scared that this the best I can do. I just dread going through the pain of a break up just to find another guy that does the same thing.

    I would say Smuggie is definitely right-- I need to evaluate this pattern before I try to be with anyone! I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being a crazy possessive gf, haha. I guess at the end of the day, though, even if I am being crazy possessive, I'm not happy with how things are and need to get out! Crazy possessive self and all!
     
  6. Erik

    Erik Admin

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    Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's just straight out of NOT OK. :blink:

    There's a huge difference b/w commenting, glancing and appreciating other women, and those examples you gave. That's just flat out disrespectful to you.

    I can say to my wife that so and so on TV is really attractive, etc., and it's perfectly fine in our house. AND, it's very occasional. Now, if I said, did you see that ass? Holy boobs! I'd be in trouble, as well I should be. as it's disrespectful to your partner.

    Flat out not normal and most definitely offensive and disrespectful to you.
     
  7. fatty27

    fatty27 Member

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    Girl I have been single for, wait let me count...8 months:shrug: Longest ever! BUT...I feel better knowing I have no bullshit relationship mess to deal with. I love being with someone but if all I get is another relationship I have to DEAL with, I'd rather be single until that "perfect" guy comes along. Go on a couple dates, feel people out, get out when its not working, and the right guy will come eventually. A man does NOT make who you are! Trust me I say this to myself all the time. Plus its too much fun flirting with random people :wink:
    This guy your dating is IMO no good.
     
  8. smuggie

    smuggie Maureen aka Mo

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    I think you've just identified the problem. You don't think you can do any better, therefore you keep attracting jerks. Change your way of thinking and you'll start attracting nice guys as a consequence.
    Of course I'm right. I'm always right. :lol:
     
  9. Cara

    Cara Uh-oh! I smell redneck!

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    Have you ever told him how you feel about it? That it's OK to appreciate respectfully an attractive woman but that the way he says things bothers you?
    Maybe he's just really clueless :shrug:
    Dan and I are out in the open about stuff like that so there's nothing that's really off limits to us or what we'll say to or in front of each other. Could that work in this case?
    However, if you're already sick of him "ogling" you then you may already be soured to him no matter what. I hope you get this sorted out, whatever you decide to do.
     
  10. mackie

    mackie With my hero, Brigitte Gabriel

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    :D
     
  11. mackie

    mackie With my hero, Brigitte Gabriel

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    Big Fat DITTO!!!!!!!!!

    CREEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Yikes! I'm sorry you feel that he's the "best you can do". I'm sure he is not the best you can do. Are you that afraid of being alone???

    I'll be alone ForFrickinEver before I'll ever, ever settle for that kinda crap!

    Is a break-up really all that painful, compared to the pain of staying with him????

    You don't have to get involved with another guy like that. Don't get deeply involved or committ yourself to a guy until after you get to know him and you know he's not that way.

    Of course it takes time to get to really, really know someone. But certain things (especially such extreme characteristics as you've described) are usually pretty evident, early on, if you take off your blinders and allow yourself to see them... if you aren't so afraid of being alone that you allow yourself to overlook them.

    There's really no need to get wrapped up in some clown you hardly know... all the while denying yourself the opportunity to get to know cooler guys. If you do happen to date another guy who acts the same way (heaven forbid) kick his ass to the curb immediately. Why drag it out?
     
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  12. Meechel

    Meechel Enjoying the summer!

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    I love McBooty!!! Well said :yahoo:

    Been single 3+ years and would never settle for mistreatment again.
     
  13. BigDog

    BigDog Well-Known Member

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    :yeahthat: Single and happy is worlds better than involved and miserable. I think you know that the way he is treating you is disrespectful, hurtful and immature. :love:
     
  14. K8TYE

    K8TYE Member

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    Thank you for all of the replies! :love: It is the support/ encouragement I need to get out of a dumb situation. I am definitely not afraid of being single-- I've done it for about 22 of my 26 years!

    I just needed to hear that I wasn't being that "jealous girl" who didn't want my boy checking out other women. I guess in my heart, though, I know what is acceptable and what is not! And yeah, I definitely deserve a lot more respect--even if it is respect as a single gal!!

    I am sure if I wasn't already completely fed up with the situation, I wouldn't have posted the question to begin with!
     
  15. Inatic

    Inatic Ya Gotta Wanna! Moderator

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    that was my thought.
     
  16. liz jaeger

    liz jaeger Member

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    run ... fast .. .don't look back !!
     
  17. pixie

    pixie Well-Known Member

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    No, not being jealous at all; you're well within your rights to leave him or confront him about the situation. I wish you luck in your decision.
     
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  18. Mols

    Mols My BFF

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    Find the courage and confidance to leave him and let yourself enjoy being single for a bit, and then start dating a guy thats NOT in his 40s and looking at teeney boppers :dope: :love:
     
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  19. Patricia

    Patricia Well-Known Member

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    I am usually VERY laid back and open minded when it comes to such matters and even I think that he is way out of line.
     

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